Well in July, Andrew and I were super excited to share with our family and friends that another little Gerber bean would be joining our crew.
Little did we know that in the next six months, it wouldn't be ONE that God blessed us with, but TWO!
In August, after hearing my grandpa was on hospice, I started to look for flights home. I knew that if we could afford to make it home for the visitation I would do whatever I needed to make it happen. My mom called on August 18, in the exact moment that I had submitted payment for flights on Wednesday, that grandpa had left this earth. We decided to keep it a secret and surprise my mom and grandma. (We love surprises) ;) We made it back to IL Wednesday August 22. On Thursday, I got a message from Brekyn's biological mom that she was in the hospital having her baby girl, and later that night she sent pictures of her precious new bundle of joy, and Brekyn's biological sister. There was a heaviness that 'my' daughter would never have the privilege of KNOWING her sister. But, I was thankful for a healthy baby girl!
The next morning, the kids and I went to get groceries for our 5 days in IL. We got home, I sat on the couch, Brekyn fell fast asleep on my lap, and my phone rang. A call I never could have imagined. It was DCFS. They had taken this precious new life into state custody, and asked if there was any way we could provide a home for her with....her sister. I was in complete and utter shock. I'm sure I didn't make any sense. "We live in Colorado" I muttered. Not really able to say much else. He stated that he knew that but they wanted to keep sisters together if at all possible. Was is possible? Yes. Convenient? No. What we expected? No. What we hoped for? No. I got off the phone with him, not really feeling like we got anywhere. I just remember leaving it at, I would love to for Brekyn and for J, but I just don't know how that would work. When we hung up, a text came through. FROM ANOTHER DCFS investigator....asking me to call. At this point, I was freaking out. I called the number, shaking from my head to my toes, utterly numb. My conversation with her went a little better, well maybe the shock started to wear off a little. We talked about our situation and she just laid it out for me. "Mom would like to fight for custody so the baby will have to remain in Illinois." After talking for a bit I finally said, "can I talk to my husband?" She kind of laughed because clearly this was life changing and said "of course, the baby is not due for discharge today, so take a few hours to talk and just let me know this afternoon."
I texted Andrew because he was in class. "I NEED YOU TO CALL ME ASAP, J WAS TAKEN INTO DCFS CUSTODY AND THEY WANT US TO TAKE HER, BUT SHE HAS TO STAY IN ILLINOIS." He called me seconds later. We were both in shock and couldn't really logically think through it. My head said 'ya right not possible', my heart said, 'this is Brek's sister'. We came to the conclusion that we both needed to seek Godly counsel. We each had 3 people that were laid on our hearts. Surely one of the six (my bet was on Jeremy) would lay it out and tell us we were ridiculous for even considering it. But, ALL.SIX. said the same thing. "You already know what you have to do". I prayed. A LOT. This did not seem feasible to me. I wanted to go back to my life on Tuesday, but when I thought that, the Lord made it clear that I would be miserable in Colorado without J. She was already a part of our family, because she was Brek's sister.
I went to Besgrove's before even talking again with Andrew, I was still freaking out because I knew that all 3 of the people I had talked to showed me what we needed to do. Poor Annie has to deal with all kinds of tears from me. I am pretty sure I sobbed the entire time. Out of complete fear. This decision I was about to make would separate our family. It would put the kids and I in Illinois, me being a 'single' homeschooling mom to 4 kids until I was 36 weeks pregnant when Andrew's semester would finish and he could come back. Not to mention having babies 19 weeks apart. This would completely uproot my children once again. Leaving behind our amazing community and friends in Colorado. The woods. Recess. Long days of spending hours outside doing....well...what every kid dreams of.
I got another text from the DCFS worker asking if we had come to a decision. I called Andrew back and we both knew this is what the Lord was asking us to do. I called the DCFS worker back and told her we had decided to take J, and 20 minutes later, I met her at my grandma's where our temporary address would have to be until we could find something with a little more permanency. The first question I asked the worker at Grandma's was "how often can we visit CO?" She said it wouldn't be a problem to visit monthly. So for the time being, I clung to that. That night, I went to meet J, to feed her and to begin to bond with the amazing little girl that God so lovingly and abruptly placed into my arms.
The last 5 weeks have not been easy. Maybe some of the hardest of my life. Satan was working double time to turn away from the hard and run to safety in Colorado, but Andrew, our family and friends were a constant encouragement. I probably said things to all of them that I didn't mean, that was the tired pregnant momma with a newborn talking. ;) Or so I tell myself. Maybe it was the fact that we ripped our kids away from their security and comfort to welcome a new baby into our home and hearts. They acted out daily. It has been a huge struggle, but I get it. I have tried and tried to show them grace and love through it and constantly reminding them that this is not going to be easy, but this is for J. But they agree that she is totally worth it! We talked a lot about a theme for our school year and well, it's forgiveness. Forgive quickly. Forgive often. We have to.
We are getting into a routine with Baby J and we fall more in love with her each and every second. Andrew had to drive home the week after we picked her up because I literally packed 4 outfits for each of us, and we didn't have a car. He was able to stay for the week and help us adjust as much as possible. And we are currently in Colorado with him, yes we have baby J with us! Traveling here was interesting to say the least! ;) Breky fell asleep as the wheels of the plane touched the pavement so I had J in the carrier and was also carrying Brek. I am sure people got a chuckle out of it. And others probably thought I was nuts and were probably annoyed at the woman bringing 4 children on a night flight.
We leave Tuesday, so I ask for prayers for the flight, and travels and of course the weeks to come without Andrew. We have however found a house to rent, PRAISE BE TO GOD! So we will move in next weekend, We cannot wait to get settled, and find some normalcy there!
Well that was emotional and exhausting to write, so hopefully I can keep you updated a little more, but now....I need a nap! ;)
Oh... And.....Gerber Baby BOY will be joining our family in 14 weeks to make us a party of 7! If only you could see my face right now! ;) To those who have helped in any way: encouragement, meals, prayers, financially, baby girl clothes, crib, toddler beds, and oh so much more.....thank you for loving on us! We are so humbled. I just wish I could find the words to show our love and gratitude!
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| First fam of 6 photo :) |
